I saw this article (link) shared by a friend on Facebook (thanks Wanni!) and funnily, in some way, this was the exact article I was looking for which addressed some of the insecurities I had sometime last week.

You read that right. Even near perfect men like me experience insecurities once in a blue moon. 

Such as my forehead being too glistening for my liking

Jokes aside, sometime last week I was bewilderedly struck by a random thought that I am not making enough money for my family. Hence somewhat a failure?

I confided in Mama Toh who said that I was silly and over-thinkig things. But not before a frown and long pause. Which wasn’t completely reassuring.

You see, the fact is (I think) I don’t earn as much as quite a few of my peers in Banking, even though we started working around the same time. 

Whilst it usually doesn’t bother me as I subscribe to the notion that comparison on makes one feel worse, I am not sure why it hit me on that particular day.

I have always put down the lag in my salary to 2 factors:

1. I am not the most ambitious person by nature.

2. I prioritise family time more than anything else. 

Times like these

That wasn’t always the case though.

As a fresh grad, I was a brash and for a lack of a better word, pia, when it came to work. I didn’t mind working late night shifts, doing other people’s work for them, or volunteering to come back to the office on weekends when someone was required.

I managed a team and was pretty well recognized in the firm.

And then marriage, and very quickly thereafter, kids happened.

I have always been quite a homely person, and this was further reinforced when the kids were born. I already spend the prime day time away from them during the weekdays- do I really want to only go home from work when they sleep?

I think the answer was quite clear for me. 

Which I guess probably played a significant part in landing me where I am now. After all, it’s really quite hard to push someone into a senior role with a higher pay if he is rushing home on the dot daily to spend time with the family.

On hindsight, and in a bid to make myself feel better, I reassured myself that no amount of money can compensate for the time watching my kids grow up.

You can’t put a price on playing Little Pony with your daughter

Or Nerf guns with your son

There is simply no monetary value which triumphs family time. 

Of course, that is just for me, as I believe evidently many other parents feel differently.

Reading the article made me feel much better about myself. 

I am good enough.

I’m sure my family feels the same.